I wasn't always pro-life. I'm not sure you could say I was pro-choice either. To me, abortion was more about some abstract concept of autonomy than getting rid of a baby.
I never really gave much thought to the mechanics of abortion either. I'm not sure anyone in the pre-internet days did. If I thought about abortion techniques - which may have been once or twice when I was young - it never occurred to me that sharp steel instruments or a powerful vacuum that tore flesh from flesh was used. In fact my impression was that the girl (I never thought of her as the mother) would get a needle in her belly, but not necessarily in her uterus. The contents of the needle (never gave any thought to what that was either) would put the baby to 'sleep' and cause it to come out. I didn't really think of it as being dead. The girl would have some cramps, maybe a little stronger than her usual monthly ones but that was about it. Then the baby (in my mind it was always a perfectly formed, smooth skinned, tiny baby) would slip out. There was no blood or gore. If the girl needed some help the doctor would use a soft instrument, something akin to a rubber spatula from your kitchen, to get the baby out. And that was it. In a day or two the girl could go back to school and she and the few people that knew (never her parents but only her best friend and maybe her boyfriend) would forget about it and carry on with life. I couldn't seem to figure out which side of the fence I was on. I knew it was a baby but didn't think of the woman as mother. I knew medical intervention was required to abort but it was all so serene and sanitized in my mind. I was SO NAIVE!!!
The only defence I can give for this rose coloured view of death is that abortion techniques were not spoken about, not even in my "Woman's Studies" class. We were taught abortion = good and loss of control = bad. Post traumatic stress was NEVER brought up. We were just supposed to be glad the 'problem' had been solved quickly and neatly and we could go on with our careers and school. And we had to support any friends that did this or you would be letting the 'sisterhood' down.
My memories stem from my mid-teen years which took place approximately 1979 - 1981. Abortion had been legal in Canada for just over 10 years. At that time in my life I didn't know anyone that actually had an abortion. My teen friends were not really involved enough with boys to get pregnant and the only other adults I had contact with were my parents' age or older. That generation dealt with crisis pregnancies by getting married.
Towards the end of the 1980's and into the early 1990's friends began to come forward to tell me about their abortions. In two cases the grandmas-to-be took their daughters in for the abortion because they were afraid of what the neighbours might think about their a pregnant teen! I think society has changed a lot since then.
Teen pregnancy isn't considered quite as scandalous anymore but this has had the result of teens not fearing any consequences for their actions. Similarly, at one time a married woman had to quit her job the minute the boss got wind of her condition (even though she was married) but now I've worked with several colleagues who were pregnant outside of marriage and nobody seemed to bat an eye.
In the mid-90's one of my post-abortive friends found herself pregnant unexpectedly. She was considering abortion again. She had older children and was embarrassed to be pregnant. I reminded her that her eldest sibling was about 20 years older than she was and I was glad her mother had chosen life (never mind that abortion was illegal when this friend was born). She ended up keeping the baby but she felt a lot of bitterness towards me. She accused me of not supporting her. This is only half true. I would not have supported the abortion but I would certainly have been there to help her pick up the pieces afterwards. In any case the friendship ended and I am not sorry one bit that I stood up for her child. Of course there is much more to this story but it would not be appropriate to share it on a public blog.
Each time a friend confessed their abortion to me I was struck by their selfish motives - finishing a semester at school, caring what the neighbours thought, their personal inconvenience. I could not support the 'sisterhood'. At the same time I would sneer at people in Life Chain and say (not very clever or original) things like "all those pro lifers should adopt those babies they want to save" or "nobody wants to have a rapist's baby" or "I would never have an abortion but I can't force my views on anybody else." Ugh. Lame and pathetic.
Finally at age 38 I returned to the Church and I finally gave in to my feelings and the knowledge that abortion was a bad deal for women and even worse for the babies. What a relief! However, I still had one more hurdle to cross - that old canard that abortion after rape or incest is permissible. My friend insisted rape was fine in those cases and I tried to argue with her but I couldn't even convince myself. I wasn't against the baby - I was troubled by the thought of any woman carrying a stranger's baby for 9 months, of reliving the rape every time she caught a glimpse of her expanding midriff in a mirror, of people asking her stupid questions,of going through a painful labour.
So I started to search for answers and basically the bottom line is this -- abortion does not make a woman or girl UNpregnant. She will always be the mother to her child. Abortion does not turn back the clock on rape or abuse -- it still happened. Also, abortion after rape is the only crime where the victim gets the death penalty. And if a young girl is a victim of incest and becomes pregnant and has an abortion the molester is now off the hook because the 'evidence' of his crime is gone. But most importantly - no matter how a child is conceived it has an immortal soul given to him or her by God and that child IS lovable. Just ask Rebecca Kiessling.
Three years ago, while praying at Mills Memorial one afternoon, a lady stopped her car to speak with me. She thanked us for our witness because her husband had been conceived through rape. Our witness to life confirmed his worth to the world. (She already knew it!) To this day it's still the most inspiring contact I've had on the front lines.
There are 14 days left in the Spring 2013 campaign. Won't you join us at the hospital for a front row seat to see what the Holy Spirit can do?
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